I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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