i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize