who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dick has a subreddit
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
