Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
