I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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