he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
