I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
