And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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