i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize