But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize