You just made me feel so damn special
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
