I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
