dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
