Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
