Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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