I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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