Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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