i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
