Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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