Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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