I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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