There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
