I got chris browned last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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