I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
