He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
