He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
