hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize