I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
