eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize