I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
