a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
