Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
