She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
