i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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