The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize