I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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