we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
