I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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