sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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