he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize