booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
