How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize