i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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