You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
