ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He better not be in your backpack
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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