im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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