do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
