Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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