Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
