omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
