Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
