He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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