I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
