He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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