so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
