YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize