dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
