I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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