I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
