Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
