something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
