i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
