I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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