My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My vagina just clenched in fear
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
