I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
