It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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