i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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