Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
