It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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