He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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