have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
