I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
