every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
